Special Spotlight… This One’s For You

 

My Cousin Malik

My Cousin Malik

 

UnPromised Time

I used to make jokes about situations like this…

Walking down the empty streets of my city, I’d run on the paved roads
Laugh off how much money I’d get if a car would bump into my flesh- leaving me with Benjamin Franklins by the load

But my thoughts never had any logic, never went deeper
Never wondered about the pain that was suddenly ingrained in the lives of the victims kin who didn’t make it to see another day
Families that sit by the telephone waiting to receive that one voice on the other end,
Praying that they’ll be more than static and more than noise, more than hope and more than a note with a pen
Longing to see their face, wishing that whatever happened didn’t claim their destiny to an end
Pacing and tracing and waiting for facing the reality that waits for them once the ring tone is finally heard

And now it only makes me sink into my seat with more jealousy than the heartbroken women on Cheaters because you’re where I used to long to be

Before I realized the strength that was inside of me, you guided me to a better being
And sometimes I’d act awkward in front of you because the words wouldn’t spit out when I needed it
And you may not have always been there because of time and space, but you were always reliable

And its undeniable the pain our family feels when we think about that February morning
I admit sometimes i feel guilty because two weeks prior I boasted that I had never been in mourning
And ive never been the superstitious type but sometimes you just gotta ask  “what if” “what might…” but they scream all the time…..

I tried to ignore the details about the way your body was dragged
Sketch out the imprint of your rich blood on the dark road where many before you had their souls grasped
Kill the imagery of your once clothed body being naked from the magnitude of the impact-
now in an advanced, aged, tranformed presentation you were brought into this world with on a hospital bed
you returned to your original form as a child that was new to this world, leaving your skin to descend into a body bag
But it soothed me to know that you fought and you were surrounded by friends, if they’re rumors so let it be tagged
The whispers of your angels as you prayed your last before Heaven lifts me up even with shoulder pads
I didn’t want to know about the time the ambulance had allowed to lapse
I didn’t want the visual of you walking off the curb just be struck by a Acura Legend
that poisoned your life as if you were a Winehouse, drugged up like Heath Ledger
But the only overdose that occurred that day was my hate, my anguish and my tears in my pillow throughout-
legendary as the first flight, legendary in its own right because now you fly higher than imaginations bound at night

I drowned out the cries of your sister and your mother because I was sick of shedding tears, it was still the first day of the news
But this news was different from the ones Im used to yelling about to the screen
This news I don’t have the chance to flip the channel, turn down the volume, or pretend it ever happened
Because without you here, there’s a pain in my chest everlasting
There’s dinner tables that are gonna have more leftovers than ever before- hold the plastic, and less teeth from the smiles you cheeked
Granted, less arguments about a man running late at night on the streets
But never doubt that even in my sleep I can feel the anger build up so much, I break loose from the REM and move my arms, my limbs, grasping for you to return to Earth because it’s unbareable how everyone is suffering within…

3AM on Saturday before the sun had began its daily routine
You were taken from us by a drunken man who was too fukin selfish to stop on the scene
He was too fukin selfish to realize that the “thing” he hit may had been a King
He was too fukin selfish and too fukin intoxicated
Too fukin blind and too fukin trapped in cages
Too fukin ignorant and too fukin in a skurry to fuk in the girl in his passenger seat; he was in a hurry
He was too fukin stupid and too fukin narcissistic that he didnt worry about the treasured son he had destroyed…

But he kept the engine running, and ran himself into the hospital to make sure the lil bump he endured would be insured… 

And now im so fukin tired of being so fukin silent
So fukin sick, I wanna be as fukin violent as a tyrant
So fukin through wit alcohol and stupid motherfuckers
Im so fukin done with being the nice girl, i might not mind being called a fukin bitch-not-to-fuk-wit-at-night girl
cuz im so fukin exhausted, I feel Im fukin lost And i rarely say fuck, but fuck it and fuck you if u dont like it- youre tossed

I feel so drained that lately its been hard to see past the rain cause there’s clouds in my psyche
Still I’ve accepted your departure and I know youre not too far so…
I say fuck your death, because you’ll forever live on in me….

_________________________________________________________________________

For those of you who are interested,
this poem was created in loving memory of my cousin Malik Jenkins. His life was taken away from us February 21, 2009 at 3am due to a drunk driving incident in Elizabeth, NJ. As his family, friends and I continue to move on from our grieve, it does get easier everyday… but the pain may never go away. I’m always glad to write anything for him, or regarding him because he was a fan of my writing, and it fulfills me in an indescribable way to comfort myself with his death by doing so.  He was also an artist and I highly recommend his myspace page >> http://www.myspace.com/prolifikone >> [[[My favorite song is “The Garden”.  He was supposed to make it downloadable for me but never got to it, i guess.]]]  This past Wednesday would’ve marked his 27th birthday. So in celebration, this was a new piece I recently made for him…

Always Remembered
Never Forgotten
Eternally Cherished

—Jazzi

Very Young Malik... good looks runs in the fam ;)

Very Young Malik... good looks runs in the fam 😉

Goofy-ness Too :D... (Malik & my sister Shalese)

Goofy-ness Too :D... (Malik & my sister Shalese)

Cousin Malik with my sister Sherhea

Cousin Malik with my sister Sherhea

Cousin Malik & Cousin Waheed

Cousin Malik & Cousin Waheed

Malik Jenkins Rest In Peace

Malik Jenkins Rest In Peace

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Comments
2 Responses to “Special Spotlight… This One’s For You”
  1. Tarnisha says:

    aww jazzi. this made my heart smile. i love it.

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